I have had a few requests to blog about how the justin.tv cam is affecting my life. I will start of by saying- This all happened so fast! I didn’t expect to come home from my trip to VA Beach to see the justin camera running. I work, live, and hang out every day with Justine so it was either I find somewhere else to live, a new best friend , and job -or just be a good sport in all this. 🙂
At first I think I hated it. haha! Just being honest here. I didn’t like the fact of putting our lives out there. The first couple days I felt sick to my stomach just knowing that camera was following me around. I didn’t mind the camera as much as I did knowing there was a live chat full of people casting their judgments and opinions of what we were doing/saying at all times. I was fearful that my life would lose a lot of its depth. I don’t want to have deep conversations with friends on camera, or make people I care about feel like I am exploiting their lives to hundreds of people. In feeling that way I am afraid I will avoid deep conversation and times where people may feel vulnerable to avoid showing them on the camera. I don’t want that to happen. That is what I am glad I am not wearing the camera :), nor would I ever agree to do so.
It is easy to sit in the chat room and read all the things people are saying about us. Some people are so supportive and other pretty much hate us.This is why sometimes I need to limit my time in there. I let it bother me a lot at first. I would worry about everything I was doing, how I was dressed – Hoping someone wouldn’t comment on things that were hurtful like my weight or the way I looked. The fact is …people are going to say those things, and because I am out there for the public to see there is no way around it. People will always find flaws, point them out and try to make you feel like you are worthless. It’s easy to do that when you are sitting at home on your computer and have no one to answer to, or don’t know anything about the person you are insulting. That is why I can’t take these things to heart or it will destroy me. I really enjoy the chat when people are being kind and aren’t being perverted. I could probably sit there all day and talk to these people, I like to get to know them and for them to see that we are real.
My hope in all this is, it does not change who I am, my morals or how much I believe in myself. Actually that is not an option 🙂 I hope this makes me stronger. I will update this and just be real and honest about how I am feeling. Hopefully this will give you all an inside look at what it’s like to lifecast.
Thanks for reading!