desiree

mommypackmylunch.com

The move! August 29, 2007

Filed under: justin.tv — dezzychick @ 10:20 pm

Hey everyone 🙂

I hope everyone is doing well! It’s been a while since I’ve updated- sorry! Life is crazy! I am kind of having a stressful week to be honest. My life has really changed in a lot of ways in the past few months. I had a friend pass away last week 😦
On a different note-it doesn’t surprise me one bit, it’s actually really interesting to see how this Justin cam has added and taken away from my every day life. Lets see…I started writing about the camera when it was just a couple weeks into it. I have gone through many phases since then! I will explain them briefly- When Justine first got the camera it was exciting and weirdly uncomfortable. Not many people can adapt well to hundreds of people watching your every move such as talking, walking, eating, laughing. Not only are these things being watched but people are talking about them in the live chat. At first I worried a lot and I took everything to heart, trying to put on a tough exterior and act like it didn’t bother me when I was criticized. The next stage in the game was letting it run my life..since I have spent every day with Justine for the past few few years I just felt as if I had to make this thing a part of my life though I really didn’t want to. If you weren’t aware…we live together, freelance together and hang out (or used to) every day. One of those best friends that can finish your sentences, make you laugh till you cry, you can talk to about anything and support through any time in their lives. So I was left with some decisions to make. I didn’t like how this camera made me feel, but I didn’t want to stop hanging out with my closest friend in the world. I didn’t like sharing my private conversations with my best friend with the internet or worrying about random people showing up from the chat room, not ever feeling comfortable in my own skin. Though I would like to say I am strong enough to not let those things get to me…if I said that I would not be telling the truth. I had my moments of strength don’t get me wrong but overall it was just turning into something that was making me feel distant from myself and others. Though more and more people were watching and knew who I was -through Justine- I was losing myself. Weeks of getting emails from people telling me how “hot” they think Justine is, or begging me to tell her they said hello…just trying everything to use me to get to her. It isn’t fun anymore when you feel like you are being contacted just because of someone you are close to. I am so happy for her and everything that is happening. My dream was to do the sketch comedy stuff we did on mommypackmylunch.com..I am not sure what my dream is anymore. I think I just miss being Desiree. I feel like I have a lot to offer and it is getting lost in all this..I want to make sure I don’t lose that. I am different from Justine…I don’t have an iphone, nor do I care if I have one. I never used a computer until I was in college, I have just learned a lot since then. I love being behind the camera, not in-front of it, I draw a lot, I love God and that is what matters the most to me. There are a lot of things about me that people don’t know.

As for where things are right now…I am not sure. People have noticed I don’t really stay here anymore, this is true. I have been staying with friends for the past couple months. This is not because I am mad at Justine it is because I don’t like being on the camera all the time. Has this been hard on our friendship? – yea. I am hoping it’s just taking some time to find that balance between the internet time and real relationship and friendship time. I know it’s not an easy transition and I am definitely ok with being patient and supportive in this time. I miss my life and how things used to be, but there are a lot of new and exciting things for Justine now and that’s awesome. It kinda stinks I have to find a different job now instead of the work I was doing with her. I don’t even know what my job title is anymore I feel like I have learned so much in the past year from all this craziness! Life is definitely unpredictable right now..I have no idea where I will be working. So right now what I feel about the camera is- I don’t like it, but I will tolerate it. Only because I love Justine and I value our friendship. I love the chatters (for the most part haha) it’s almost like a little community. Everyone is different though, thats what makes people interesting. Life is what we make of it, my life is way different from most and I feel blessed to experience the things I do. Because we know that trials produce perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. This is a tough time in my life with all the transition, but I am trying to be hopeful that something good will come out of all this. Thank for listening.

Dezzy

 

The simple things in life. :) June 14, 2007

Filed under: justin.tv — dezzychick @ 8:48 pm

Ah ok it’s been a few days since I’ve updated! Sorry about that 🙂 This past week I went home to Erie, PA to visit family while justine went to Atlanta. I have to admit it was nice getting away and just being invisible again.
This experience is really helping me appreciate the simple things in life that I just assumed would always be there. Things like feeling comfortable in my own home, or doing nothing at all and feeling content with that. While I was home I just hung out with my mom, watched movies, mowed the lawn, had a bonfire and worked….if I was wearing the cam I probably would have had the feeling these things were’nt entertaining enough. It’s weird..even though the camera isn’t on me when I sleep I feel like it is. I will go to sleep with this paranoid feeling that someone is watching me. While I was home this weekend I finally felt relaxed and had a good nights sleep.
The natural flow of conversation is also different when people are aware they are on camera. People act a little goofy or nervous ..afraid they are going to be made fun of. It’s funny to watch I’m sure- but it gets weird after everyone we encounter acts that way. It takes away from normal conversation and makes it feel awkward.
I am surprised at how many people just walk right up to us and ask us about it. I haven’t seen anyone get mad yet, most people just laugh or seem really interested in how it works. For some reason I thought people would just be annoyed or have no patience for such a thing. So I have to say I am impressed with how kind people are being, it makes me happy :).
It makes me wonder where technology will go next, how much people will let the public into their lives…or how valuable privacy really is to people anymore? Will people really want to take the time to get to know you if you are already broadcasting live on the internet? I think about how much people hold back or just avoid hanging out because spending time together no longer is something special and personal..it’s being shared with anyone who has access to the internet.

Anyway..those are just some random thoughts for the day! Feel free to respond! 🙂

 

Answers! June 8, 2007

Filed under: justin.tv — dezzychick @ 6:56 pm

Ok here are the questions I received on my blog! I hope you get the answers you were looking for.

Adam Jackson:
Q: What’s an off camera moment that has happened in the past year that you wish had been broadcasted by you or justine?

A: When Justine and I went to San Fran to wear the cam for a day. I wish we could have broadcasted the day BEFORE. It just seemed like everything was going wrong. It was funny all at the same time though. The airline lost my luggage, we had no idea where we were or what we were doing so that would have been interesting I think.

Q: How much wood can a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

A: I think he could chuck a lot of it.

Subwolf:
Q: Whats your dream in life?

A: I want to have a career where I can help people. I would love to travel places and work on different projects to change people’s lives for the better. I would do that now if I didn’t have my school loans and other bills I have to pay. I would maybe work with the invisiblechildren.com project. Having a ton of money is not my dream. I feel such a strong responsibility to help people that need it. We have all needed help at one time or another…just making that my career and being able to pay my bills would be amazing to me.

Q: Where do you see yourself five years from now? Or do you prefer to just worry about ‘now’ and let later happen as it does?

A: I wish I had vision for 5 years from now. I think it’s wise to have a plan and not just worry about the “now”. What we are doing now is so new, so I am not really sure where it’s going to go. This is a good question it’s something I have been putting a lot of thought into. Hopefully I will have a better answer for you soon.

Richard White:
Q: Ok so here’s one for you. How has you life changed now that the cam has been introduced. Has it changed at all or do you feel like you have to put on an act for the camera and not be yourself anymore much like a celeb.

A: I definitely feel like my life has changed a lot. It’s funny how you change when you know hundreds of people are watching. The ways I may act differently are- I am not as comfortable with being AS goofy or silly. It’s kind of like when you first meet someone you aren’t always completely 100% comfortable showing them who you are until you know they will some how accept it. I am hoping that some day I will just feel comfortable and not worry about what people say. I think I act like myself, I just trying to avoid being on camera all the time. I try not to read the chat when I am on it so if people say mean things it won’t affect me if I don’t see it. I think some people are ok with the fact that I am not a celebrity. I don’t look like one nor will I probably ever be one. I think people are used to a perfect looking person with the perfect lines to say as if it were a movie. I have that image stuck in my mind as well sometimes, feeling like I have to live up to that standard. When in reality it’s not real (that’s why it’s a movie) we don’t get to practice our lines and that’s not what this is about anyway. Conversation changes, you don’t get too deep in front of the camera. It’s not really comfortable to just be at home and relax. I guess it all comes down to being confident enough with yourself to stop letting what people say bother you. Easier said then done, right ☺.

William Hartz:
Q: How did you first get into design?

A: I grew up very involved with art. I wanted to be an art teacher for a really long time, or just an artist. I checked out a couple colleges that mentioned graphic design to me – so I checked it out. I honestly didn’t know what I was getting myself into haha. I took a chance and dove in headfirst and I really loved it. I had a feel for composition and detail so I fit right in.

Norm:
Q: Do you guys still do parkour?

A: yes 😉

Bram R:
Q: iJustine seems to have a lot of haters. Obviously not on her chat rooms, but, you know, out there. Do you know what i’m talking about? What’s your take on all that?

A: I think anyone that chooses to put them selves out there is going to have “haters”. It bothered me a lot at first to be honest. When you see anyone saying mean things about a friend or someone you care about it’s tough to take. My first instinct is to just respond back telling them my exact feelings on what they had to say, haha. Like everyone has been saying- that’s part of what she does. I just need to support her in any way I can as her friend and I guess that’s what I try to focus on. I would be miserable if I focused on all that negative stuff.

Frank Berfell:
Q: Any comment on the observation that the ijustine project might reveal more about its audience than about ijustine and dezzy?

A: I think that’s a good point. There are a lot of amazing people that watch that I have been getting to know better in the chat. There is just such a variety of people that watch it’s hard to clump them all in one category. I think it will reveal a lot about the audience though. If only there was a better way to sift out the perverts. ☺

Phillip:
Q: Just want to know if you have time to do all the things that people ask of you?

A: I try to make time..haha it’s getting harder as more and more people hear about this.

Q: It seems that you will attract a deal of attention from those who wish to destroy success.
How do you handle that?

A: Yes there are a lot of people that love to destroy what someone else is doing. I am not sure why, maybe they feel some satisfaction in that. I would never wish bad things on anyone so I just hope that those people will not affect us, only help us grow. I handle it by trying to separate the slander and ignorance from the constructive criticism. I would love to hear what people think, as long at their intentions aren’t to feel better about them selves by putting us down.

Garamount:
Q: how do you feel to share your home with a “net star”?

A: I don’t look at it like that..she’s just my best friend.

Q: Do you like it or not so much?

A: I love living with her. We have been friends for a long time now, before all of this stuff started happening.

Q: How much did lifecast change your relationship with Justine and her beeing?

A: It is just inconvenient. If we want to talk about something private she has to come in my room. It has been a distraction from the work we do, so that’s kind of taken a toll on things. We are trying hard to not let this affect our friendship, but with something like this we just need time to adjust to it. If it changes everything and things start to go sour in our friendship – You will probably be seeing me moving out, because lifecasting to me isn’t as important as my friendship with my best friend.

Dinsan:
Q: Why did u select this theme ?

A: The theme of my blog? I like trees..and green. Hah
Why did I choose this entry topic? So people can see what its like to be a part of lifecasting. I thought I would answer both, because I don’t know what theme you are referring to.

Jay Farmington:
Q: What was your closest call as is pertains to iJustine’s headcam!?

A: I would have to say it was when people started giving the address of the coffee shop we were at. It scared me a little..I knew it was bound to happen, but it was still scary.

Clintus:
Q: Why don’t you shoot more video?

A: Why don’t YOU shoot more video? jk I don’t know I think I shoot a lot of video..more then most. What kind of videos are you talking about Clintus? Justin cam stuff, sketch comedy, vlogs? We do a lot.

Michael from Sweden:
Q: I have a quick question. Im finding myself to think of you desiree as this sidekick-figure to iJustine. How do you feel on that take? I´ve noticed that you’re doing more camerawork than she is?

A: Yes a lot of people see me as the side-kick to Justine. Sometimes it bothers me because I definitely want to be seen as my own person for the things I do, not what she does. I think when people get to know me they see that we are different, which is why we make a good team…I stress the word team. Haha ☺

Justine:

Q: Do you and justine go to school? how did you get to where you are right now (freelancing and making $$)?

A: We are both finished with school. She has her degree in multi-media and I have mind in graphic design. We got here by working for it and networking. We have to take a lot of chances too, going from a full time steady job to do freelance to try out new medias is risky, so we had to take a chance with that.

 

questions!! June 6, 2007

Filed under: justin.tv — dezzychick @ 5:28 pm

Ok so people keep asking me questions left and right, I feel like I am repeating myself over and over again haha! So what I am going to do is….let you guys ask questions (keep them clean). In my next post I will answer them! Simple as that 🙂 Ask me things about justin.tv, or things you want to know about my experience with this..anything! I will be honest and try to answer all the questions. Again – keep them clean and this could be a fun project we have here! Just post them as comments! I look forward to hearing from you.

❤ dezzy

 

The first week of justin.tv/ijustine June 4, 2007

Filed under: justin.tv — dezzychick @ 5:51 pm

I have had a few requests to blog about how the justin.tv cam is affecting my life. I will start of by saying- This all happened so fast! I didn’t expect to come home from my trip to VA Beach to see the justin camera running. I work, live, and hang out every day with Justine so it was either I find somewhere else to live, a new best friend , and job -or just be a good sport in all this. 🙂

At first I think I hated it. haha! Just being honest here. I didn’t like the fact of putting our lives out there. The first couple days I felt sick to my stomach just knowing that camera was following me around. I didn’t mind the camera as much as I did knowing there was a live chat full of people casting their judgments and opinions of what we were doing/saying at all times. I was fearful that my life would lose a lot of its depth. I don’t want to have deep conversations with friends on camera, or make people I care about feel like I am exploiting their lives to hundreds of people. In feeling that way I am afraid I will avoid deep conversation and times where people may feel vulnerable to avoid showing them on the camera. I don’t want that to happen. That is what I am glad I am not wearing the camera :), nor would I ever agree to do so.

It is easy to sit in the chat room and read all the things people are saying about us. Some people are so supportive and other pretty much hate us.This is why sometimes I need to limit my time in there. I let it bother me a lot at first. I would worry about everything I was doing, how I was dressed – Hoping someone wouldn’t comment on things that were hurtful like my weight or the way I looked. The fact is …people are going to say those things, and because I am out there for the public to see there is no way around it. People will always find flaws, point them out and try to make you feel like you are worthless. It’s easy to do that when you are sitting at home on your computer and have no one to answer to, or don’t know anything about the person you are insulting. That is why I can’t take these things to heart or it will destroy me. I really enjoy the chat when people are being kind and aren’t being perverted. I could probably sit there all day and talk to these people, I like to get to know them and for them to see that we are real.

My hope in all this is, it does not change who I am, my morals or how much I believe in myself. Actually that is not an option 🙂 I hope this makes me stronger. I will update this and just be real and honest about how I am feeling. Hopefully this will give you all an inside look at what it’s like to lifecast.

Thanks for reading!
Dezzy

 

justin.tv May 30, 2007

Filed under: justin.tv — dezzychick @ 6:30 pm

Hey everyone! If you didn’t know- we were sent a Justin.tv cam. Now justine and I will be live on the internet! woooo. The first day went pretty well, I ended up getting really sick for some reason-bummer. I haven’t felt that sick in a long time. I am feeling much better today, thanks to everyone that was so concerned! Today we are heading over to 96.1 KISS FM. They are awesome there and have been so supportive! I have no idea what the future holds with all this but I am hoping things go well 🙂 Check it out though!