The move! August 29, 2007

Filed under: — dezzychick @ 10:20 pm

Hey everyone 🙂

I hope everyone is doing well! It’s been a while since I’ve updated- sorry! Life is crazy! I am kind of having a stressful week to be honest. My life has really changed in a lot of ways in the past few months. I had a friend pass away last week 😦
On a different note-it doesn’t surprise me one bit, it’s actually really interesting to see how this Justin cam has added and taken away from my every day life. Lets see…I started writing about the camera when it was just a couple weeks into it. I have gone through many phases since then! I will explain them briefly- When Justine first got the camera it was exciting and weirdly uncomfortable. Not many people can adapt well to hundreds of people watching your every move such as talking, walking, eating, laughing. Not only are these things being watched but people are talking about them in the live chat. At first I worried a lot and I took everything to heart, trying to put on a tough exterior and act like it didn’t bother me when I was criticized. The next stage in the game was letting it run my life..since I have spent every day with Justine for the past few few years I just felt as if I had to make this thing a part of my life though I really didn’t want to. If you weren’t aware…we live together, freelance together and hang out (or used to) every day. One of those best friends that can finish your sentences, make you laugh till you cry, you can talk to about anything and support through any time in their lives. So I was left with some decisions to make. I didn’t like how this camera made me feel, but I didn’t want to stop hanging out with my closest friend in the world. I didn’t like sharing my private conversations with my best friend with the internet or worrying about random people showing up from the chat room, not ever feeling comfortable in my own skin. Though I would like to say I am strong enough to not let those things get to me…if I said that I would not be telling the truth. I had my moments of strength don’t get me wrong but overall it was just turning into something that was making me feel distant from myself and others. Though more and more people were watching and knew who I was -through Justine- I was losing myself. Weeks of getting emails from people telling me how “hot” they think Justine is, or begging me to tell her they said hello…just trying everything to use me to get to her. It isn’t fun anymore when you feel like you are being contacted just because of someone you are close to. I am so happy for her and everything that is happening. My dream was to do the sketch comedy stuff we did on am not sure what my dream is anymore. I think I just miss being Desiree. I feel like I have a lot to offer and it is getting lost in all this..I want to make sure I don’t lose that. I am different from Justine…I don’t have an iphone, nor do I care if I have one. I never used a computer until I was in college, I have just learned a lot since then. I love being behind the camera, not in-front of it, I draw a lot, I love God and that is what matters the most to me. There are a lot of things about me that people don’t know.

As for where things are right now…I am not sure. People have noticed I don’t really stay here anymore, this is true. I have been staying with friends for the past couple months. This is not because I am mad at Justine it is because I don’t like being on the camera all the time. Has this been hard on our friendship? – yea. I am hoping it’s just taking some time to find that balance between the internet time and real relationship and friendship time. I know it’s not an easy transition and I am definitely ok with being patient and supportive in this time. I miss my life and how things used to be, but there are a lot of new and exciting things for Justine now and that’s awesome. It kinda stinks I have to find a different job now instead of the work I was doing with her. I don’t even know what my job title is anymore I feel like I have learned so much in the past year from all this craziness! Life is definitely unpredictable right now..I have no idea where I will be working. So right now what I feel about the camera is- I don’t like it, but I will tolerate it. Only because I love Justine and I value our friendship. I love the chatters (for the most part haha) it’s almost like a little community. Everyone is different though, thats what makes people interesting. Life is what we make of it, my life is way different from most and I feel blessed to experience the things I do. Because we know that trials produce perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. This is a tough time in my life with all the transition, but I am trying to be hopeful that something good will come out of all this. Thank for listening.



43 Responses to “The move!”

  1. Cora Says:

    I can’t see how it would be easy, but good for you. You are a good friend.

  2. The Son Of Sam Says:

    I feel what you are going through. I have had friends who have become famous during our friendships and have had a cousin become rich. In both instances they couldn’t understand the changes that was taking place within their lives had a ripple effect to everyone close by. Some of us are still friends and some of us don’t speak at all. Some of us are only close because family makes it hard not to be. It’s hard to stay a part of someone’s life when they are on a rocket traveling at speeds they’ve never been. I hope that after all this is over for you and “The Internet” that you find yourselves walking on paths that are not to difficult to cross. Best, Son Of Sam.

  3. Jerry Kelly Says:

    Hi Desiree,

    Let me start by saying that I really like your blog, and really enjoyed this blog entry. You sound like you’re at the start of a journey, and good for you. My grandfather used to say that a thousand mile journey begins with the first step.

    I think you’re having a very normal reaction to the whole camera / lifecasting thing. I’m alot older than you (46 to be exact) and don’t really understand why someone would want to broadcast their life 24/7. I think I understand is your reaction to this. In the 1960’s, John Lennon and Yoko Ono made a movie entitled “Rape”. In this film, a very attractive women is being followed by an anonymous camera crew. At first, she’s flattered by the attention, but then becomes annoyed, frightened, and tries to ditch them. By the end of this movie, this poor woman is stalked by a camera crew until she finally breaks down. People need privacy and space. I shudder to think of what I would appear to look like in a lifecast (“Comming up next – Jerry has another beer while he watches more bad cable television! See it here on Justin TV!”). It’s also very disturbing to see what the “fame factory” inflicts on people when their alloted celebrity time is up. The same machine that builds people up into celebrities will then turn on them and market every screw up / mistake /relapse they do.
    I’m really interested in what sort of art work that you do. I was astounded at what you can create with an etch a sketch – how in the world do you do that?! I will say that,in an artistic sense, you helped to inspire me to post two of my original videos on Thank you for that.

    Anyway Desiree, good luck on your journey. You exhibit alot of wisdom and good sense, plus you seem like a really nice person. I look forward to following your creative works on this blog.


  4. mcpaige Says:

    I’ve always thought you were super cool…just you!

  5. Bob Says:

    Dez,I am reminded of Jeremiah 29;11-14 read it I do

    while I don’t know you well I miss seeing both of you together as friends.Both of you are wonderful people
    and great neighbors. It is my loss that I don’t know you both on a deeper level


  6. Hey, Dez. You’re awesome! Just wanted to let you know. I’ll pray for you guys and the home situation. The bible verse that Bob talked about is awesome It’s one of my favs. check it out. It’ll give you some hope. 🙂

  7. spaceguy Says:

    Hi Dez, wonderful post, good friendships do last, no matter the length of separation, as I say, it all works out in the end.

  8. rachel Says:

    the best advice i have is
    “take it one day at a time”

    you know your priorities and values.
    and you are so so so amazing and down to earth.
    you make me laugh when im sad; i just need to watch parkour and im a happy girl 🙂

    im happy for Justine.
    and im happy that you dont care if you have an iphone or not LOL 🙂

    just know that the only thing that matters is being true to yourself…dont ever feel guilty for that.

  9. james Says:

    Dez i am so proud that you are living your life and doing it on your own terms.

  10. Level3Media Says:

    Wow, you totally rock. Ever since my wife and I came across back in June, we’ve just been blown away by all of this. You are extremely talented and have such a sweet spirit. To see your friendship, your loyalty and your countenance through this has been very inspiring and encouraging. Know that He is holding you in His loving arms right now…tighter than ever. You are His daughter, and He desires nothing but His best for you…tough, i know…not “our” best…but His best. That’s something Stacie and I have learned so much about these past few years. Dezz, we are praying for you, and want you to know that others are as well. Know that if you ever decide to come to the lonely town of Dayton, Ohio, that you have people there who care about you even though we’ve never formally met. That’s what the Body of Christ is all about and should always be about. We are praying that He will put you in a job and a place to live where He can continue to grow you and use you for His good work. If you ever need anything, we’re no further than a twitter, e-mail, MySpace message or Facebook message away (gotta love technology…hee hee)…or more if you need it. Trust in Him with all things, Dezz.

    Needing Him Daily,
    Ralph (and Stacie) 🙂

  11. Adrian Says:

    What I’d like to know is what happens when someone is drained from lifecasting? All the ‘glamour’, popularity, criticism — everything, flies out of the window.

    I’m not trying to talk down about anyone, nor am I a ‘hater.’ It’s just trends come and go but so fast. I remember when I was young and we used to play with yo-yo’s in school. By Christmas time that year the trend had moved on.

    From perspective of your post, I see that no matter what the case you will be standing by her side, with a cup of coffee, ready for some hardcore parkour.

    Website/E-mail is available, and I’m always nearby if you need a temporary parkour substitute… maybe :).

  12. Farang Says:


    I cant imagine what this has done to you but I completely understand how you feel. I hope when this all blows over that you guys can get back to normal again.

    Id much rather watch funny videos from you and Justine then watch her lifecast 24/7, and Id get a hell of a lot more work done if she wasnt on cam all day 🙂

  13. Fred Says:


    Excellent blog posting. If I were in the same situation as you are, I would act exactly like you. I understand it is hard to always be in front of the camera. People can say some very mean things in the chat. They do not realize you are a real person with emotions. I really hope this lifecasting thing Justine has gone into, won’t ruin your ever-growing friendship. Finally, I really like your blog and don’t get discouraged. Like you said, stay patient and everything will turn out well.

  14. Robin Says:


    I hope that you’ll continue to work with Justine in whatever capacity both of you agree on, not because I enjoy seeing you in action as some sort of a “sidekick” to her, but because of the genuine dynamic that the two of you create when you work together. Justine seems like a great person, but you’re seem equally as great based on your own accomplishments notwithstanding hers. With that being said, I also look forward to seeing what your own future holds, wherever that path may lead!

    About the work, don’t stress too much over jobs (or lack therof). I just finished graduate school in Pittsburgh and everyone keeps saying how terrible the job market is here. It’s hard to not take that to heart sometimes, but at the end of the day I go to sleep knowing that things will (eventually) work out the way they are meant to. You’ll figure it out when the time is right.

    I applaud your ability to write something so heartfelt and in a manner that others can easily relate to. In one of my classes last semester, the professor asked me specifically whether I could imagine myself living in a world without any privacy. I struggled with putting such a disconcerting concept into words, eventually concluding that even if you aren’t doing something that is generally considered private, there are times when you want to know that you aren’t being watched/judged/whatever else. He followed this with a long speech based on how privacy has been written into the law for as long as the law has existed(the same professor recently wrote his own blog entry commenting on the new “security cameras” that will be installed all across Pittsburgh, which he feels may be instill more fear than security based on the same notion). Someday I hope to hear of his reaction to the whole life casting concept. In the meantime though, know that many of us out there (here?) have enjoyed learning more about who you are as well and we are anticipating your continued success in each aspect of your life. Here’s wishing you all the best (and be sure to keep us updated)!

  15. David T. Says:

    Thanks for sharing, interesting take on all of that. I know I’d be like you too: not too interested in sharing every moment of my life with the internet. But don’t worry about it, it’s not a weakness, just some people are more private. You sound like a good friend and someone she can count when it matters so that’s all that counts. Stay cool.


  16. Danielle Says:


    I think what you are doing is very admirable. Don’t let the world get you down because they don’t matter. it’s like that saying “opinions are like A**holes, everyone has one” LOL. It is easier said than done though.

    Thanks for sharing some of your feelings on the whole lifecasting stuff. I’m sure it’s not easy.
    Take care:)

  17. Chris Says:

    I liked your blog post, and I think you are doing all the right things. I think most people would agree if put into the situation you are in. I just really hope that your friendship with Justine doesn’t suffer as a result of all this. I trust that it won’t though, considering how close you two were before. I have to believe she understands and this is just temporary.
    Take care,

  18. Jeff Says:

    I’m 45, and I remember what it was like to be the best friend of a buddy who caught all the girls’ eyes. Unfortunately, it’s a hazard both of your age group and of the superficiality of video.

    In my case, I decided to put just enough space between the two of us to let my personality shine on its own. It was painful, because I really enjoyed the company of my friend. But I found that if people had a chance to take a look at me alone, they found me as attractive and interesting as him.

    Since Justine’s particular brand of charm distracts from yours, separate your friendship from her work. Establish your own site with new material, and give your charm and talent room to flourish. Then the two of you can talk shop and be supportive of each other away from the bozos who are just passing through.

  19. Rob Says:

    No matter what teenagers say on Justine’s chat room, you are a very special person and have so much ahead of you.

  20. Amanda Says:

    Hey Dez. I’ve watched you & Justine for the last few months and I noticed you started disappearing. I can’t say I blame you – I for one wouldn’t want everything I said or did on cam for everyone. I’m glad to see you still value your friendship. I’m also anxious to see what happens with you.

    I agree with a person above, you have a lot of talent and it will be interesting to see what becomes of you.

    I also enjoyed Dezzy&Justine clips more than the lifecast, but I am just one of thousands/millions.

    Good luck to you!

  21. william Says:

    i will be sure to pray for you. stay strong and let love be what keeps you two together.


  22. Alan Says:

    I am really sorry about what you are going through. and i know it must be tough. and i am sure that you have spoken to Justine about the situation. But maybe she will eventually get bored and leave that whole lifecasting thing behind. I mean like i do like watching her but sometimes nothing really happens. And you guys tend to be funnier when you have something prepared and when people actually say things. 🙂 anyways…

    Sorry for the Bad grammar,


  23. Qermaq Says:

    Hey, listen. You’re damn cute. I don’t mean this as some sort of counterbalance to the thousands of guys who say Justine is cute. I meanin simply because it’s true. You’re cute. If we met in a bar, I’d work you like a cute girl.

    You need to get over this self-doubt that hangs over you, kid. You’re an awesome person who ought to stand up for yourself. So what if you’re at Justine’s and you’re on camera and everyone talks about her? Be you, and be you boldly. What other choice is there? Sure, we’re all jealous of others when they get attention that we don’t get. I have experienced this from both sides. It’s hard to be real and the same as before when stuff like “you’re so awesome” and “you’re so hot” enters your life. That’s a major challenge. I’ve relied on my friends to be there to keep me real, to prevent me from letting that define me. I’m absolutely sure Justine relies on you in that way.

    So screw the cameras, screw what others think. What’s really important to you? Justine? Then be friends with her, hang with her, work with her. Trust me: she is having a hard time with this too. And I’ll bet you a US dollar she misses you as much as you miss her. Your vids together are fun and don’t stop doing that.

    Plus, you’re cute, and people deserve to see you on the camera. Sure, 90% of the comments are “drool drool Justine” – but you know what? They’re all LOSERS. Fact. Test it out if you doubt me. I’m gonna tell you a winner’s truth – Justine is hot. And you are hot. You both are hot. Add some whipped cream to the two of you, well, I might go nuts. Seriously, the vocal troglodytes will go for Justine, but damn, you can do better than that. The real people, the people who matter, they see you to be as beautiful, interesting and sexy as Justine or any other gil you can name.

    Don’t leave Justine’s cam to the degenerate cro-magnon guys who will turn it into a testosterone-poisoned drool-fest. Add some real-woman schtick to the mix by your presence. And have some fun with it. Poke fun. Be yourself. And above all, never abandon a friend for reasons out of her control.

  24. signlady Says:

    I’m a fellow viddler although we just figured out how to set up our own videos. I have enjoyed yours best of luck to you hope to see you on Viddler again soon.!!

  25. Caty Says:

    Wow I wanted to say ive never seen you or justine or this show u and her have.. i have only seen the video of her and her iphone……i do understand how you feel though., i have a friend and all the boys like her., so usually the boys i like call me and ask me for her number, its horrible.,, even though im only 12 i understand and i think your so beautiful, and you should now that, i hope we talk… my myspace is


  26. Too bad you prefer being behind the camera.
    The best clips have you in them and not just because you’re engaging, mischievous, and smart.

    You’re the attractive one.

  27. michael Says:

    Girl… an man likes meat… you id like to eat!… whos that justin-girl everybody is talking about?

  28. Les Says:

    Thanks for being so honest. Hey, I just stumbled onto your site. I’m from Chicago, but now living in Cairo for grad school. One of a few Christians in the midst of Ramadan… anyways, I think you’re super cool.

    My BA is in Print Media and I just loved your site. I can’t imagine being so torn with the your best friend’s new awesome opportunity–and yet it’s totally affecting your life! 🙂 You’re being awesome about it. Hang in there.

    Anyways, sorry for butting in, but I just wanted to give you props!

  29. Eric Says:


    I am new to the site as of yesterday. I read your blog to find I missed you altogether. Ihope there will be videos with you in the future…But can understand your feelings. You seem like and awesome person and WOW, you are soo Funny!!!! Love the Interview in the Parkour…and the Space Time…I laughed so hard!

    God Bless,
    Eric and Jessica in San Diego!

  30. Uncle Yoda Says:

    you need to feel good about yourself, so you can feel like you measure up as partner with justine. So the question is, whats the funnest way to get you into sexy shape. Its clear to me this is a component that concerns you, so i used to fat and i will never go back, being fat is like having concrete shoes. it will be easier than you think and suprisingly an enjoyable transition. It is however not entirely necessary for solving this problem. you should pursue fitness simply for the perks. I think the 24 hr cam idea is a shity one, as you have seen its already gotten old. ( i havent watched it) i would scrap it, or tweek it.

    you guys make a good duo and i am not suprised at all that you feel upstaged, because you are. but none of it really matters, youll find you wont enjoy the fame. further more you will struggle to find anything that really brings you happyness, My happiest moments are made by the people im with. a giggle with yr best friend is far more valuable than stacks of hits on videos, or your future acting carreer which will approach you soon, be ready and make sure you know whether you want to be famous before it comes. i enjoy the videos you guys make ..usually. so i dont want to see them come to an end and you could make some nice money from them, and theyre probably fun to do too.
    anyway rip into the things that you dont like and elliminate them from your life. i hope you really take what i say to heart, and that if i hurt your feelings, that you at least got something out of it. find things that bring you happyness and do them.

  31. Bobbie Jo Says:

    I felt really touched by this blog. When I watch the videos of you and Justine together I am reminded of my best friend and myself. I can’t even recall all the hurtful times when I was used to get close to her. In lots of instances I would be the one to spend more time and develop a friendship with the men that wanted her, than she would. Consequently I would sometimes develop feelings for one of them and we would become so close that I thought I had a chance, but it only turned out that they wanted her body and my personality. People are so ignorant. At first I thought I was the ignorant one for thinking I could obtain even half of the admiration she got. Then I realized I wasn’t the ignorant one, it was everyone else. I’ve read a lot of the things people have written and said about you and it makes me want to cry. You are so genuinely beautitful and I can tell your personality is far more than merely beautiful. It is so hard to deal with the ignorance of cruel people, but you will find your way. I’ve found many ways to deal with them. Some of my methods aren’t quite as acceptable as others (in reference to the time I was felt up by a guy at a bar, and when he turned around and got a good look at me and said to my face that he was sorry he touched me because I was way too big….he got a nice whack on the head with a conveniently close poolstick! I am generally very classy, but that made the redneck woman come out of me!)In anycase, you are so beautiful and talented, and try not to feel so down or discouraged. You’ll find your inner redneck woman and get back out there and do your fabulous thing! Stay sweet and beautiful, honey! I love ya!

  32. justopia Says:

    Hey Dezz,

    I am just now getting to this. Bravo for you for having the courage to put your most personal thoughts and feelings out there. I hopw that you find your “right place” and that the two of you get to the place you and Justine are most comfortable with. I’ve got a hell of a lot of years on the both of you and I can tell you from experience, life’s ups and downs will make you stronger, more well rounded and a better friend to yourself and your loved ones, so keep similing and forge on and I am confident you will find the place you are seeking.

  33. Bram R Says:

    Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you’re making the right moves. I’ll keep you in mind if I hear of any video A/V work that needs done out there.

  34. Luc Says:

    That sounds tough… I can see the privacy issues you would feel being watched all the time (sort of like living in a small town where everyone knows everyone’s business). Glad you’re finding your individuality and good luck with everything.

  35. Lisa Bettany Says:

    you rawk dezzychick!

  36. sorry to see you go. hope to still see you from time to time.

  37. cheryl sturm Says:

    Hey there beautiful Dez..Guess you guys were all getting together tonite with my Josh, Lacie & Kendyll. I made a point to tell them to say hello to you from me…one of your biggest fans!! Just checked out the blog & was surprised by all this..and then again, not really surprised. Know where you are coming from but more importantly i know where you are headed. The Lord has great plans for your life & you just have to keep that in your mind when thoughts of what’s next come firing in. Yea, those days always have a way of sneaking in. When they do remember that HE knows what’s next & He isn’t the slightest bit worried or concerned if it will work out. Love you & wish you the very very best happiness. Looking forward to seeing you again & more importantly looking forward to how the Lord will use your talents (and oh you have soooooo many)!
    ps… it hits home hard what you wrote because i was one of those that paid more attention to justine when we first were introduced. only after i watched your website & your videos i got an insight into ‘dez’. i was totally ashamed of myself after watching your first video. your beauty flies off the screen & i was really fascinated with your talent. i regretted so many times that i didn’t get to know you better right up front. i look forward to seeing you again sometime at josh & jays. Would love to hear your testimony!

  38. Stephanie Says:

    Wow! GREAT for you! I am so glad you realized all this before it really got to you and even that you had the strength to stand up and do something about it. We are all created different and that’s what makes our creator so incredible!

    Thanks for sharing your heart…by the way, I think you are hilarious…I’ll be praying for you through this transitional time. Pray for us too if you think of it…we’re in Thailand.

    Thanks again!

  39. Photo Geek Says:

    I remember the day the cam came home and you and Jus were in the kitchen washing dishes, I sensed you were on a collision course. I did like to see the two of you in front of the camera but I know how it is. Some people get more deeply affected by the sense of being watched. You had your guard up and that is hard to maintain.
    I think my favorite memory would have to be the two of you lip dubbing in Walmart.
    Great times but it is all part of what will make you in the future.
    Sometimes it is hard to know who is responsible for what, in the work of a group or duo. What you did, or wanted to do, is the thread you should follow. The experience is too valuable to be discarded.
    Like others here I am in 40 ish and have been through ups and downs in my career. I have never worked for anyone but have been busy working most of the time. Of late too much work…
    I have had numerous partners in my career and a few in life and I have found that when you do come back, you come back stronger and more determined.
    Keep writing at least and it will come to you, trust me. Somewhere in there the dream will emerge.

  40. Brie Says:

    so i have to be honest with you, i know that this blog was posted about 2 months ago. but i kinda understand where your comming from. i lost my dad last year, it was kinda werid considering i hadn’t seen him in 2 years and i ddint even make it down in time for his not looking for symapthy, all im getting at is changes when someone close to you passes away, so i’m really sorry for your loss….on a second note..i recently was bored this past weekend and was looking at myspace videos when i found one of you and justine. i’ll i can say seem like your a pretty incredible person to be around. you make me laugh and thats just from watching you on a video. and i really like your hair haha…just so you know. point is..sometimes we, as people feel like were loosing a sense of who we are..but all you need is time to think and get back into things…don’t let go of who you are..because that,i think, would be the greatest loss of all..


  41. Neroz Says:

    Hello Desiree.

    I know how it feels when something is interfering in a relationship.Everything I want to say would be a repeat of what everyone else said.

    You say do don’t like to be in front of the camera, but I’m glad you were in a couple of your videos. Your personality shines right through and attracts much more than I could ever hope to achieve. You are a totally awesome individual and personally, I can relate to you more than Justine.

    I may have been introduced to you, through Justine (not literally) but I think you’re an awesome person and don’t let minute things ruin you’re life.

    As someone else said, take it day by day.

    – Larisa

  42. Brandie Says:

    Hey, I don’t really know you… bu then again i’m sure a lot of the people who comment don’t, but I want to say that I admire you for staying friends with her though all of this, i do know who Justine is, but that doesn’t matter… I don’t think people just just befriend you because you’re her best friend. That’s not right in my eyes. I’ll keep you in my prayers that you find what your calling is in life, and that God helps you find your way! I know this was wrote a long time ago, but i still felt it was necessary to write.

  43. Angela Says:

    Hooray for self discovery!
    I’ve missed seeing you, but I think it’s good that you’re doing this for yourself.

    And even though you don’t know me (I can imagine how weird it could be, all these people knowing about your life and you not even knowing them) I think you rock! (seriously like a rockstar!)

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